Starting a new job is an exciting experience but it can be a little awkward too. If you’ve just taken a new role, you’ll sympathise with the following:
Being called the new girl/boy/person
Nobody knowing your name for the first few days is an unfortunate reality of being the new starter. Be prepared for the “newbie” label – unless of course you’re willing to wear a name tag. Please don’t wear a name tag.
Having to answer lots of questions
Where are you from?
Where have you worked before here? How long did you work there?
What college did you go to? Do you know David? (There’s always a David.)
As the newest employee, you’re somewhat elusive – a riddle, wrapped in a mystery, inside an enigma. Naturally people will want to scope you out. This should be seen as a positive! One of the most exciting things about starting a new role is getting to know a whole new bunch of people. People who can bring a completely different perspective to your working life, people who can share their valuable insights and infinite wisdom and most important of all people who didn’t see you fall at last year’s Christmas party. It’s a clean slate people!
Having that one person who shall not be named
In any work environment there’ll be one person whose name you just can’t remember. When you get to the stage where it would be less awkward to ask for their sexual history than their name one more time, try the pal/mate/friend card.
Trying to gauge the humour of the office
Your last work mates couldn’t get enough of your impressions and novelty raps, how soon is too soon to test the waters here? On that note, how does everyone feel about satirical nicknames?
Guessing people’s ages (and being totally wrong)
Tread carefully here. If your new colleagues are mean enough to publicly put you in this position, the trick is to undershoot by at least 6 years. Then silently and carefully plot your revenge.
Having that awkward moment where you’re about to introduce yourself to someone but you’re not sure if you’ve already met
It usually results in a nervous smile/nod/wave combo.
Getting lost. A lot.
Would it kill people to put a few maps up around here?
Suffering from the odd bout of impostor syndrome
You spend an overwhelming portion of your day wondering how you ever tricked these silly people into giving you a job. You’re clearly not qualified and it’s just a matter of time before they figure it all out. Don’t worry this is par for the course in any new job! We believe in you!
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